Shh! Don't Tell!
2007-04-30 08:54:05 UTC
DISCLAIMER: (God, it feels so good to say this again!)
By reading this sentence, you acknowledge that there could be a little strong language (though it is censored) pepperred here and there; a few immature situations, and over all a demented sense of humor. It's what you love and desire, because by reading this sentence, you legally are bound to agree to what I'm writing right now. Potato. Lutefisk. Elk. Okra. Anyway, you guessed right! I'm pulling out all the stops, and throwing caution to the wind!
Don't say I didn't warn you, but do say that I did. Wait-- what?
Doomsday Doesn't Happen at ALL!
(part 1)
Written By: Shh! Don't Tell!
"It really is just day after day of blissful paradise in these lands," wept Simba with appreciation. "I can't believe just how lucky we really are to live here! We are just so blessed! These pridelands are the most precious gift any living creature could ever hope to--"
"Simba, no offense or anything," Nala interrupted, "But your crying after every time we make love kinda... makes me want to stop putting so much effort into faking it..."
"But Nala! These are tears of joy!" Simba sobbed, "How often is it in life when you're truly happy with everything in your life!?"
"Yep... I'm done here..." Nala grunted as she pushed her blubbering husband off of her, and shuffled off from their shady little hiding spot to elsewhere in the pridelands... probably to dry her tear-soaked pelt in the sun.
"It's okay, Nala," the ever-living springs in Simba's eyes prepared for another watery session, "It's okay..."
For over the past month, Nala had been on edge, and today's episode only pushed her tolerance just that one bit closer to the breaking point. Most people never change, despite them even promising to change into better people. But in Simba's case, it seemed like he was caught in an upward spiral of change. Nala's eyes blazed as she recounted the slow change of events over these past few years. Change.
First, he wanted to become a better father once Kiara was born, and then somewhere along the line, he recieved the epiphany to become a better king, and ultimately, gained the revelation that if he strove to become a better person, then he will improve all those other areas in his life. When he first mentioned this to Nala, she didn't give it a second thought. At first, there was little to notice, save for the fact Simba became ridiculously overprotective of Kiara, and would only deliver life lessons to her in song. But it became much better for a time.
Slowly, Simba started to become more romantic, and doted attention all over Nala. That was good... for a time. He became more benevolent, and generous as a king. He would fast, and meditate with Rafiki, and had practically taken a vow of purity. As stated once before-- all this was good... for a time. But then, it started to become really annoying. Many of the kingdom's animals learned to avoid the king, because he'd try to talk to them, and ask about their life story, or constantly bother them with, "What can I do to help you today?" Or just start giving them advice without even being asked first. Like a hobo looking for work, Simba's conversations became rather awkward with the fauna, who would rather actually get some work done for that day. Lately, he has learned that with the right perspective in life, every day is the best day of your life... and apparently you cry alot on that day.
"Nala! Nala!"
She stopped in her tracks, with her frown growing longer, but didn't turn around to greet Simba. All the muscles in her shoulders tightenned, for she knew exactly what he was going to say. He trotted up to her, out of breath,
"I'm sorry about losing it back there," Simba began, "I don't know what came over me! It's just that..." Simba paused.
OH NO YOU DON'T! Nala could see the tell-tale signs beginning. The quiverring lip...
"You are so.... so...." The watering eyes....
"Beeyoo-hoo-hooo-tiful-hull-hulll-hullllllll!!!!!!!" ...The runny nose. Simba began stumbling toward Nala, bawling, and gesturing he wanted a hug.
"NO! STOP IT! STOP IT! THAT IS IT!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!" Nala pushed Simba away from her, and he collapsed onto the ground as if his bones instantly turned into spaghetti.
"Nala! What's the matter? Are you allright? Is there anything I can do to hel--"
"I can't take it anymore!" Nala shrieked. "I can't live with you acting like this! Day after day, the crying, the politeness, the whole 'appreciating life, and all its little gifts'! You're making me crazy! CRAZYYYYYY!!!!!" Nala placed her paws against her head, and screamed like she was pushing all her frustration out of her brain as if she were squeezing a sponge.
"But... But what's wrong with appreciating all of life's little--"
"Nothing! There's nothing wrong with getting joy out of life, but you're taking all the joy out of life!!!!"
"What the--"
"Simba! You blew it all out of proportion, and took it all the way to the umpteenth level! Now you're so sensitive and emotional to anything that happens, you're... you've become... agh!" Nala tossed her head in the air, and backed away a little hesistant, but her tail twitching spoke that she was still rearing to speak her mind if prodded.
"Become what?" Simba had prodded.
"A P*$$Y, You're a giant, worthless p*$$y!"
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!?" Simba's face looked as though a hurricane-force wind was blowing straight into it. "Only those dirty hyenas talk like that!"
"Well at least THEY still know how to talk dirty! What happenned to the wild lion I found in the Jungle?"
"What are you talking about!? I'm still here!"
"Only now, without a spine! Listen, a lot of us didn't want to say it, but--"
The long list of greivances, and rumors that have been smoldering amongst the pride, and the denizens of the pridelands was cut short, as a trembling filled the earth under their feet. So much for telling him he's probably responding to repressed, traumatic childhood experiences. The trembling became an audible rumbling, and soon, the rumbling became a constant roar, and the trembling became a massive shaking that swayed trees, and toppled Nala onto the ground.
"STAMPEDE! NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!!!!" Simba freaked out as the childhood flashback appeared, and once again, he wept uncontrollably. But this time, it wasn't tears of happiness. Nala looked into his eyes, as they stared off into another time and place, with the glaze of fear the only thing allowed to show through.
The rollercoaster ride that was the pridelands finally settled down, and the two lions could finally rise back up onto their feet. Nala began to ponder what had just happenned, as her mind began clicking off possible reasons for the earthquake. Simba suddenly jumped into the air.
"My Gods! KIARA! She could be hurt! We have to save her! Oh, it's all my fault!" Suddenly, Nala realized that she was now the man of the relationship, as she followed Simba dashing off in the direction of Pride Rock.
The two of them came across the majority of the pride gatherred outside, and a little distance away from Pride Rock, with stragglers off on hunting parties and what-not slowly filtering back. Luckily, Nala thought, Kiara was with them, and seemed unharmed. No matter.
"Kiara!" Simba galloped towards a now mortified daughter. "Oh thank heavens, you're alive! Oh, I'm so sorry! So sorry! I thought I..." Quiverring lip,,,. "Might --guh-- L-lose...." Watery eyes.... "might lose Youuuu-hooo-hoo-hoooooo!!!" ...Runny nose. Simba then stumbled toward his daughter, gesturing for a hug. Kiara was too mortified to run away in time.
"Does anyone know what the hell happenned here?" Nala asked, since Simba was too busy encasing his daughter in mucus to take charge.
"What else?" A pride sister responded, "It was an earthquake!"
"But the pridelands haven't had any in the past," quipped another.
"Sure it has!" another snickerred, "The earth always moves for me when I'm with-- ....er... um... never mind..."
"Oh, they're gonna blame it on the old lady," Sarabi grumbled as she stealthly hid herself.
"Blame it on the monkeys!" Shouted another lionness.
"Ah, never mind then," Sarabi returned from hiding.
"Ladies! Ladies!"
"Hey! I'm no--"
"Sorry! Ladies and Kovu!" Nala calmed everyone down, and got their attention. "Well first of all, is everyone present and accounted for?"
"Everyone but Vitani," Kovu explained. "But she should be fine, knowing her."
"Vitanni?" Simba stopped his latest episode at the sound of her name. "She's.... she's not here?"
"That's what I said," Kovu replied dryly.
"Oh Gods! I hope she isn't hurt!" Quiverring lip. "She was..... she was...." Watering eyes. "Liike a da-Daughter toom-- to meee-hee-heee-heeeeeee!!!!!!" Runny Nose. Simba returned himself to Kiara's shoulder with more fervor. Kovu began to try and make himself small when he saw the rage in Kiara's eyes directed to him.
"AAAAAAH, you guys! AAAAAAAH!"
Everyone looked to see Vitanni running towards them like a bat out of hell, with a face full of mixed emotions, but excitement was the most perceptable one. "AAAAAAAH!"
"Oh, Vitanni! You're alive! I'm so Happy!"
"Cram it, Simba," Vitanni pushed the king away. "Vitanni's don't hug." She then turned her attention to the rest of the group.
"You guys and Kovu!"
"Hey! I'm a--"
"Sorry! You guys and Kovu! There's a giant chunk of some metal pillar sticking up out of the ground, with some crazy metal entrance to it over at the elephant graveyard! Metal! AAAAAAAAAH!"
"What were you doing out over there, anyway, 'Tanni?" Kovu pried.
Vitanni Shrugged. "Good Make-out place."
"Shh! Don't tell!" a lionness shouted out from the main group.
"All right everyone," Nala commanded, "I want you all to stay here, while I and all the main characters go investigate this metal pillar. Oh, except you, Timon, Pumbaa, Sarabi, and Mom. No reason."
"But--"
So there our intrepid heroes and Kovu were, staring in the face of a giant cylinder of mechanical gobble-dy-gook. Hoses, wires, pipes and pistons surrounded the entire surface of the object, and clouds of gasses and steam encircled it, and occassionally puffed out of some of the pipes from time to time. A few random boulders sat ontop of it, with little trails of dust and sand blowing off with the wind. Obviously, this thing had been underground for a long time. And there, staring them in the face, was a most ominous entrance, with most ominous mechanical noises here and there, and little flickers of light hinting at what's inside.
"Any volunteers to find out what's inside?" Nala asked-- prepared for the event that no one answers.
"I'll go."
"No, Kovu, don't go! I love you!"
"Kiara, baby, There's probably nothing inside. The geology around here is pretty unstable. It's probably a volcano about to erupt or something that pushed this old relic up, so no ghosts."
"Ghosts? Oh, you're so brave! I want to have your babies!"
"That's what I was planning on," Kovu half-heartedly chuckled to himself as he cautiously poked his head into the doorway.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" A Pale figure leaps out of the doorway out into the open, pushing Kovu out of the way-- who just realised drinking a lot of water, and eating a whole package of bran muffins a few hours ago was a bad idea.
"Rafiki!" Everyone else screamed in unison, "What are you doing here? Did you did this?"
"Nooo... " The old shamaan whimperred with eyes not seeing, though they were open. "No, I deedn't do dis." He drops to his knees, drops his staff, and crumples into a pathetic pose with his hands wiping across his face-- eyes still in fear and disbelief.
"But why were you here, and inside that thing? Kiara asked
"I was nearby. Dis was a good place for make-ing out... "
"SHH! Don't tell!" Vitanni hissed.
"We ah doomed..." he whispers.
"What, what is it?" Nala asked the old baboon. The ape finally started to snap out of the terror that gripped him, and looked at Nala.
"Where ees Seemba?"
"Over there."
"Good. Joo stay here, child. I haf to take him eenside dees towah ah-lone."
"Okay... You're the shamaan."
Rafiki hesitated before responding. "...Tanks."
"Anytime!"
Nala felt very concerned as the old ape laughed a couple times as if she told a joke, then reverted back to his near trance-like state. He quietly walked towards Simba, and with a very quiet, "Seemba, I need to show joo something very eemportant," and somberly led the lion king into the cylinder as if they were attending a funeral procession.
It was very dark inside, and the air was stagnant. Through the flickers of light, one could make out all sorts of wires, gagues, and switches dotting the walls, and bizzare equipment. Rafiki swallowed the lump forming in his throat, and looked Simba right in the bloodshot eyes.
"Seemba, joo've always known me to be en easy going type, but I'm gonna talk een a moar seerious voice for now, okay?"
Simba Nodded.
Rafiki cleared his throat. "Excellent! Well, you remember how you lived out in a jungle, having a fun, care-free life, when over here Scar was slowly destroying and killing everyone, right?"
"Y-Yes,,," Simba sniffled a bit-- the guilt playing with his heart strings.
"Prodigious. Well obviously, you had no idea what was going on, until after you came home, and had retaken the kingdom. But even then, you'll never truly understand what had taken place, and even those of us who lived the terror still don't know exactly everything that occurred. THIS," Rafiki gestured around him," is one of those things I didn't know about."
"So what is it?" Simba prodded.
"From what I can discern off of this old computer monitor here," Rafiki typed a little on a workstation keyboard next to him, "This was a black ops project financed by Scar's personal estate, and a good portion of the royal treasury itself. The information on just this work node isn't telling me everything I need to know, but so far as I can tell, this cylinder is connected to an underground powersource that I suspect is powerred by the geothermal activity of this region. What has happenned, is this cylinder is a safety mechanism, and an emergency access point to the underground facility."
"Safety mechanism?"
"Yes, you see... it's venting heat to desperately try to cool itself back down. It's overheating, Simba. I'm guessing the fact that it's built right next to pools of freakin' lava, that something about that has happenned underground, and we're running out of time.
"Time? What do you mean?"
"Simba, the lava is slowly eating itself towards the bottom of this place, which has some sort of power generating equipment. I have reason to believe that this is..." Rafiki trembled at the very thought of what he was saying, "the 'Doomsday Device' that the more outlandish rumors talked about during Scar's regime. We haven't much time before it overheats, and explodes. It's not a matter of IF, but WHEN."
"F***! Well, if you seem to know so much more than the rest of us, especially with computers, shouldn't you get to work right away on solving this problem!? Here, I'll help and do whatever I can! I can--"
"Oh, you'll help allright!"
"Excuse me?"
"I can't do much more now, except twiddle my opposeable thumbs. I can't access the rest of the compound, nor more computer files. There's a password blocking access to everything that might help temporarily solve this problem."
"And how am I going to help that?"
"You must go on a journey-- a vision quest if you will-- and find the one person that can stop this entire escapade from happenning."
"What?! Who? Wait-- what?"
"You're going to have to find the person responsible for building this place, because he's the only one with the password to get in."
"And who is that, pray tell?"
"Isn't it obvious, Simba? His name is written all over this place."
And with that, Rafiki flipped a switch that blared light into a room that hadn't been inundated with such candela in nearly a decade.
"No..... NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Simba screamed in horror as his eyes remained fixed open, and drank in the room him and Rafiki were standing in all this time. Quivering lip, watering eyes, and runny nose began once again, as wave after wave of "NO's" poured from the lion's mouth.
"Snap out of it, man!" Rafiki shook Simba violently. "Don't you get it? It's not just your precious Pridelands! It could be the entire world that will blow up! You HAVE to find him! It's your DESTINY! Now get going!"
Simba wept, as he stumbled out the doorway of the cylinder to tell the bad news to everyone else. "BAWWW! This is the worst day of my life-- EVER!"
"An' try groin' a pair while joor at tit!"
Rafiki returned his attention back to the evidence in the room. "Joo Mudder cuffer,,," he hissed between his teeth as he stared at the name that was LITERALLY written all over the room, "Heah, I was hope-peen all dis time joo was dead, and I'd nevah haf ta see joo evah again....Joo Bastert."
It was written: RINDIMO CHEETAH!!!!!!!!!!
(To Be continued!)
Well, I suppose the cat's out of the bag!
Hey everybody! Can someone tell me how to unsubscribe from this list? (old joke, I know...)
Har har! Well guess what? I've done all I can, and finished my thesis for my degree in fine arts!!!!! I"M FREEEEEEEE!!!!! I walk the stage this May 11th, 2007 for a measley BFA! Four days before my birthday! WEEEEEEE!!!!
Of all things, a few tlk-l'ers have found me, and started emailing me. It got me thinking it was time to come back from out of the jungle called "Now you will pay off student loans forever!" and see if anyone is still here. But I just couldn't resist coming back empty handed for you! So I decided to do a silly story glamorizing and blowing out of proportion my return. (I mean really, all I hit was the "subscribe" button.)
For those of you who have no idea who I am-- Congradulations! You are innocent, undefiled little creatures... until today! I am Rindimo cheetah, and-- gosh... about 6 years ago, made lots of noise and commotion on this list constantly writing parodies, acting like an a$$, and the like. Goodness, lionking.org/~rindimo is still up and running??? Well that means you can read a bit of TLK-L history! You can also go to http://www.furaffinity.net/user/rindimo to see some pictures of my thesis, which is a suit of armor, and hear my warbling cheetah voice sing some aweful music, I'm sure.
Blah blah blah! SO! How's everyone doing? What's been happenning? Tell me everything EVERYTHING that has happenned in the past six years! okay......
GO!
Your friendly neighborhood Cheetah man,
--Rindimo Cheetah
By reading this sentence, you acknowledge that there could be a little strong language (though it is censored) pepperred here and there; a few immature situations, and over all a demented sense of humor. It's what you love and desire, because by reading this sentence, you legally are bound to agree to what I'm writing right now. Potato. Lutefisk. Elk. Okra. Anyway, you guessed right! I'm pulling out all the stops, and throwing caution to the wind!
Don't say I didn't warn you, but do say that I did. Wait-- what?
Doomsday Doesn't Happen at ALL!
(part 1)
Written By: Shh! Don't Tell!
"It really is just day after day of blissful paradise in these lands," wept Simba with appreciation. "I can't believe just how lucky we really are to live here! We are just so blessed! These pridelands are the most precious gift any living creature could ever hope to--"
"Simba, no offense or anything," Nala interrupted, "But your crying after every time we make love kinda... makes me want to stop putting so much effort into faking it..."
"But Nala! These are tears of joy!" Simba sobbed, "How often is it in life when you're truly happy with everything in your life!?"
"Yep... I'm done here..." Nala grunted as she pushed her blubbering husband off of her, and shuffled off from their shady little hiding spot to elsewhere in the pridelands... probably to dry her tear-soaked pelt in the sun.
"It's okay, Nala," the ever-living springs in Simba's eyes prepared for another watery session, "It's okay..."
For over the past month, Nala had been on edge, and today's episode only pushed her tolerance just that one bit closer to the breaking point. Most people never change, despite them even promising to change into better people. But in Simba's case, it seemed like he was caught in an upward spiral of change. Nala's eyes blazed as she recounted the slow change of events over these past few years. Change.
First, he wanted to become a better father once Kiara was born, and then somewhere along the line, he recieved the epiphany to become a better king, and ultimately, gained the revelation that if he strove to become a better person, then he will improve all those other areas in his life. When he first mentioned this to Nala, she didn't give it a second thought. At first, there was little to notice, save for the fact Simba became ridiculously overprotective of Kiara, and would only deliver life lessons to her in song. But it became much better for a time.
Slowly, Simba started to become more romantic, and doted attention all over Nala. That was good... for a time. He became more benevolent, and generous as a king. He would fast, and meditate with Rafiki, and had practically taken a vow of purity. As stated once before-- all this was good... for a time. But then, it started to become really annoying. Many of the kingdom's animals learned to avoid the king, because he'd try to talk to them, and ask about their life story, or constantly bother them with, "What can I do to help you today?" Or just start giving them advice without even being asked first. Like a hobo looking for work, Simba's conversations became rather awkward with the fauna, who would rather actually get some work done for that day. Lately, he has learned that with the right perspective in life, every day is the best day of your life... and apparently you cry alot on that day.
"Nala! Nala!"
She stopped in her tracks, with her frown growing longer, but didn't turn around to greet Simba. All the muscles in her shoulders tightenned, for she knew exactly what he was going to say. He trotted up to her, out of breath,
"I'm sorry about losing it back there," Simba began, "I don't know what came over me! It's just that..." Simba paused.
OH NO YOU DON'T! Nala could see the tell-tale signs beginning. The quiverring lip...
"You are so.... so...." The watering eyes....
"Beeyoo-hoo-hooo-tiful-hull-hulll-hullllllll!!!!!!!" ...The runny nose. Simba began stumbling toward Nala, bawling, and gesturing he wanted a hug.
"NO! STOP IT! STOP IT! THAT IS IT!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!" Nala pushed Simba away from her, and he collapsed onto the ground as if his bones instantly turned into spaghetti.
"Nala! What's the matter? Are you allright? Is there anything I can do to hel--"
"I can't take it anymore!" Nala shrieked. "I can't live with you acting like this! Day after day, the crying, the politeness, the whole 'appreciating life, and all its little gifts'! You're making me crazy! CRAZYYYYYY!!!!!" Nala placed her paws against her head, and screamed like she was pushing all her frustration out of her brain as if she were squeezing a sponge.
"But... But what's wrong with appreciating all of life's little--"
"Nothing! There's nothing wrong with getting joy out of life, but you're taking all the joy out of life!!!!"
"What the--"
"Simba! You blew it all out of proportion, and took it all the way to the umpteenth level! Now you're so sensitive and emotional to anything that happens, you're... you've become... agh!" Nala tossed her head in the air, and backed away a little hesistant, but her tail twitching spoke that she was still rearing to speak her mind if prodded.
"Become what?" Simba had prodded.
"A P*$$Y, You're a giant, worthless p*$$y!"
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!?" Simba's face looked as though a hurricane-force wind was blowing straight into it. "Only those dirty hyenas talk like that!"
"Well at least THEY still know how to talk dirty! What happenned to the wild lion I found in the Jungle?"
"What are you talking about!? I'm still here!"
"Only now, without a spine! Listen, a lot of us didn't want to say it, but--"
The long list of greivances, and rumors that have been smoldering amongst the pride, and the denizens of the pridelands was cut short, as a trembling filled the earth under their feet. So much for telling him he's probably responding to repressed, traumatic childhood experiences. The trembling became an audible rumbling, and soon, the rumbling became a constant roar, and the trembling became a massive shaking that swayed trees, and toppled Nala onto the ground.
"STAMPEDE! NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!!!!" Simba freaked out as the childhood flashback appeared, and once again, he wept uncontrollably. But this time, it wasn't tears of happiness. Nala looked into his eyes, as they stared off into another time and place, with the glaze of fear the only thing allowed to show through.
The rollercoaster ride that was the pridelands finally settled down, and the two lions could finally rise back up onto their feet. Nala began to ponder what had just happenned, as her mind began clicking off possible reasons for the earthquake. Simba suddenly jumped into the air.
"My Gods! KIARA! She could be hurt! We have to save her! Oh, it's all my fault!" Suddenly, Nala realized that she was now the man of the relationship, as she followed Simba dashing off in the direction of Pride Rock.
The two of them came across the majority of the pride gatherred outside, and a little distance away from Pride Rock, with stragglers off on hunting parties and what-not slowly filtering back. Luckily, Nala thought, Kiara was with them, and seemed unharmed. No matter.
"Kiara!" Simba galloped towards a now mortified daughter. "Oh thank heavens, you're alive! Oh, I'm so sorry! So sorry! I thought I..." Quiverring lip,,,. "Might --guh-- L-lose...." Watery eyes.... "might lose Youuuu-hooo-hoo-hoooooo!!!" ...Runny nose. Simba then stumbled toward his daughter, gesturing for a hug. Kiara was too mortified to run away in time.
"Does anyone know what the hell happenned here?" Nala asked, since Simba was too busy encasing his daughter in mucus to take charge.
"What else?" A pride sister responded, "It was an earthquake!"
"But the pridelands haven't had any in the past," quipped another.
"Sure it has!" another snickerred, "The earth always moves for me when I'm with-- ....er... um... never mind..."
"Oh, they're gonna blame it on the old lady," Sarabi grumbled as she stealthly hid herself.
"Blame it on the monkeys!" Shouted another lionness.
"Ah, never mind then," Sarabi returned from hiding.
"Ladies! Ladies!"
"Hey! I'm no--"
"Sorry! Ladies and Kovu!" Nala calmed everyone down, and got their attention. "Well first of all, is everyone present and accounted for?"
"Everyone but Vitani," Kovu explained. "But she should be fine, knowing her."
"Vitanni?" Simba stopped his latest episode at the sound of her name. "She's.... she's not here?"
"That's what I said," Kovu replied dryly.
"Oh Gods! I hope she isn't hurt!" Quiverring lip. "She was..... she was...." Watering eyes. "Liike a da-Daughter toom-- to meee-hee-heee-heeeeeee!!!!!!" Runny Nose. Simba returned himself to Kiara's shoulder with more fervor. Kovu began to try and make himself small when he saw the rage in Kiara's eyes directed to him.
"AAAAAAH, you guys! AAAAAAAH!"
Everyone looked to see Vitanni running towards them like a bat out of hell, with a face full of mixed emotions, but excitement was the most perceptable one. "AAAAAAAH!"
"Oh, Vitanni! You're alive! I'm so Happy!"
"Cram it, Simba," Vitanni pushed the king away. "Vitanni's don't hug." She then turned her attention to the rest of the group.
"You guys and Kovu!"
"Hey! I'm a--"
"Sorry! You guys and Kovu! There's a giant chunk of some metal pillar sticking up out of the ground, with some crazy metal entrance to it over at the elephant graveyard! Metal! AAAAAAAAAH!"
"What were you doing out over there, anyway, 'Tanni?" Kovu pried.
Vitanni Shrugged. "Good Make-out place."
"Shh! Don't tell!" a lionness shouted out from the main group.
"All right everyone," Nala commanded, "I want you all to stay here, while I and all the main characters go investigate this metal pillar. Oh, except you, Timon, Pumbaa, Sarabi, and Mom. No reason."
"But--"
So there our intrepid heroes and Kovu were, staring in the face of a giant cylinder of mechanical gobble-dy-gook. Hoses, wires, pipes and pistons surrounded the entire surface of the object, and clouds of gasses and steam encircled it, and occassionally puffed out of some of the pipes from time to time. A few random boulders sat ontop of it, with little trails of dust and sand blowing off with the wind. Obviously, this thing had been underground for a long time. And there, staring them in the face, was a most ominous entrance, with most ominous mechanical noises here and there, and little flickers of light hinting at what's inside.
"Any volunteers to find out what's inside?" Nala asked-- prepared for the event that no one answers.
"I'll go."
"No, Kovu, don't go! I love you!"
"Kiara, baby, There's probably nothing inside. The geology around here is pretty unstable. It's probably a volcano about to erupt or something that pushed this old relic up, so no ghosts."
"Ghosts? Oh, you're so brave! I want to have your babies!"
"That's what I was planning on," Kovu half-heartedly chuckled to himself as he cautiously poked his head into the doorway.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" A Pale figure leaps out of the doorway out into the open, pushing Kovu out of the way-- who just realised drinking a lot of water, and eating a whole package of bran muffins a few hours ago was a bad idea.
"Rafiki!" Everyone else screamed in unison, "What are you doing here? Did you did this?"
"Nooo... " The old shamaan whimperred with eyes not seeing, though they were open. "No, I deedn't do dis." He drops to his knees, drops his staff, and crumples into a pathetic pose with his hands wiping across his face-- eyes still in fear and disbelief.
"But why were you here, and inside that thing? Kiara asked
"I was nearby. Dis was a good place for make-ing out... "
"SHH! Don't tell!" Vitanni hissed.
"We ah doomed..." he whispers.
"What, what is it?" Nala asked the old baboon. The ape finally started to snap out of the terror that gripped him, and looked at Nala.
"Where ees Seemba?"
"Over there."
"Good. Joo stay here, child. I haf to take him eenside dees towah ah-lone."
"Okay... You're the shamaan."
Rafiki hesitated before responding. "...Tanks."
"Anytime!"
Nala felt very concerned as the old ape laughed a couple times as if she told a joke, then reverted back to his near trance-like state. He quietly walked towards Simba, and with a very quiet, "Seemba, I need to show joo something very eemportant," and somberly led the lion king into the cylinder as if they were attending a funeral procession.
It was very dark inside, and the air was stagnant. Through the flickers of light, one could make out all sorts of wires, gagues, and switches dotting the walls, and bizzare equipment. Rafiki swallowed the lump forming in his throat, and looked Simba right in the bloodshot eyes.
"Seemba, joo've always known me to be en easy going type, but I'm gonna talk een a moar seerious voice for now, okay?"
Simba Nodded.
Rafiki cleared his throat. "Excellent! Well, you remember how you lived out in a jungle, having a fun, care-free life, when over here Scar was slowly destroying and killing everyone, right?"
"Y-Yes,,," Simba sniffled a bit-- the guilt playing with his heart strings.
"Prodigious. Well obviously, you had no idea what was going on, until after you came home, and had retaken the kingdom. But even then, you'll never truly understand what had taken place, and even those of us who lived the terror still don't know exactly everything that occurred. THIS," Rafiki gestured around him," is one of those things I didn't know about."
"So what is it?" Simba prodded.
"From what I can discern off of this old computer monitor here," Rafiki typed a little on a workstation keyboard next to him, "This was a black ops project financed by Scar's personal estate, and a good portion of the royal treasury itself. The information on just this work node isn't telling me everything I need to know, but so far as I can tell, this cylinder is connected to an underground powersource that I suspect is powerred by the geothermal activity of this region. What has happenned, is this cylinder is a safety mechanism, and an emergency access point to the underground facility."
"Safety mechanism?"
"Yes, you see... it's venting heat to desperately try to cool itself back down. It's overheating, Simba. I'm guessing the fact that it's built right next to pools of freakin' lava, that something about that has happenned underground, and we're running out of time.
"Time? What do you mean?"
"Simba, the lava is slowly eating itself towards the bottom of this place, which has some sort of power generating equipment. I have reason to believe that this is..." Rafiki trembled at the very thought of what he was saying, "the 'Doomsday Device' that the more outlandish rumors talked about during Scar's regime. We haven't much time before it overheats, and explodes. It's not a matter of IF, but WHEN."
"F***! Well, if you seem to know so much more than the rest of us, especially with computers, shouldn't you get to work right away on solving this problem!? Here, I'll help and do whatever I can! I can--"
"Oh, you'll help allright!"
"Excuse me?"
"I can't do much more now, except twiddle my opposeable thumbs. I can't access the rest of the compound, nor more computer files. There's a password blocking access to everything that might help temporarily solve this problem."
"And how am I going to help that?"
"You must go on a journey-- a vision quest if you will-- and find the one person that can stop this entire escapade from happenning."
"What?! Who? Wait-- what?"
"You're going to have to find the person responsible for building this place, because he's the only one with the password to get in."
"And who is that, pray tell?"
"Isn't it obvious, Simba? His name is written all over this place."
And with that, Rafiki flipped a switch that blared light into a room that hadn't been inundated with such candela in nearly a decade.
"No..... NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Simba screamed in horror as his eyes remained fixed open, and drank in the room him and Rafiki were standing in all this time. Quivering lip, watering eyes, and runny nose began once again, as wave after wave of "NO's" poured from the lion's mouth.
"Snap out of it, man!" Rafiki shook Simba violently. "Don't you get it? It's not just your precious Pridelands! It could be the entire world that will blow up! You HAVE to find him! It's your DESTINY! Now get going!"
Simba wept, as he stumbled out the doorway of the cylinder to tell the bad news to everyone else. "BAWWW! This is the worst day of my life-- EVER!"
"An' try groin' a pair while joor at tit!"
Rafiki returned his attention back to the evidence in the room. "Joo Mudder cuffer,,," he hissed between his teeth as he stared at the name that was LITERALLY written all over the room, "Heah, I was hope-peen all dis time joo was dead, and I'd nevah haf ta see joo evah again....Joo Bastert."
It was written: RINDIMO CHEETAH!!!!!!!!!!
(To Be continued!)
Well, I suppose the cat's out of the bag!
Hey everybody! Can someone tell me how to unsubscribe from this list? (old joke, I know...)
Har har! Well guess what? I've done all I can, and finished my thesis for my degree in fine arts!!!!! I"M FREEEEEEEE!!!!! I walk the stage this May 11th, 2007 for a measley BFA! Four days before my birthday! WEEEEEEE!!!!
Of all things, a few tlk-l'ers have found me, and started emailing me. It got me thinking it was time to come back from out of the jungle called "Now you will pay off student loans forever!" and see if anyone is still here. But I just couldn't resist coming back empty handed for you! So I decided to do a silly story glamorizing and blowing out of proportion my return. (I mean really, all I hit was the "subscribe" button.)
For those of you who have no idea who I am-- Congradulations! You are innocent, undefiled little creatures... until today! I am Rindimo cheetah, and-- gosh... about 6 years ago, made lots of noise and commotion on this list constantly writing parodies, acting like an a$$, and the like. Goodness, lionking.org/~rindimo is still up and running??? Well that means you can read a bit of TLK-L history! You can also go to http://www.furaffinity.net/user/rindimo to see some pictures of my thesis, which is a suit of armor, and hear my warbling cheetah voice sing some aweful music, I'm sure.
Blah blah blah! SO! How's everyone doing? What's been happenning? Tell me everything EVERYTHING that has happenned in the past six years! okay......
GO!
Your friendly neighborhood Cheetah man,
--Rindimo Cheetah